Not giving up hope

Well, my dear "sister" who has cancer, has stage 4 cancer. It's incurable. She has a brain tumor, and a spot on the liver in addition to all the other places mentioned in my previous blog.

HOWEVER.... her team of doctors plan to treat agressively and they are optimistic that while they can't "cure" her... they can buy her YEARS instead of months.

Since I work for a company that deals with recurrent cancer, I read a LOT of research articles about it, and it really is possible to live for years with metastatic cancer. Our company president's wife has had metastatic breast cancer for 5 years!! She gets chemo every single week. (low dose). She is the first person I have actually met in person who has survived so long with metastatic cancer.

There is hope.

There is always a rainbow.

Plus, my dear "sister" has a very positive attitude and is facing this with courage and humor. She has named her brain tumor "Bob" and now she can blame everything on "Bob" when she messes up. LOL.

They are taking care of the brain tumor via surgery and radiation. It's quite small, so they want to deal with that first. It will never be gone, but at least it can be virtually non-existent if it is small enough.

Right now, she is in denial. And she admits she is in denial. And I sure don't blame her at all. But she has hope to cling to, that this won't be her last Christmas, and that she will be able to accomplish the things on her "bucket list".

I wish I didn't live so far away.

Anguish

Someone near and dear to me is facing a challenge. In her words, " My cancer has recurred. There is a huge mass at my mastectomy site, multiple axillary lymph nodes, one nodule in my lung and a mass in my chest cavity. The huge mass has integrated into the chest wall and has begun destruction of my third and fourth ribs. That information is from the chest CT only. I had the core biopsy done today. Bone scan and brain MRI on Wednesday and PET scan on Thurs. We go back to the oncologist on Friday. We won't know any results before Friday when we talk to him."

She is younger than me..... and has 4 children.

What can I do? Well, the company I work for deals with cancer treatment. Especially recurrent cancer treatment. I gave her a contact and hope she is able to get in and get treatment.

Winding down

This has been an amazing year.
Met my George, fell in love, got married, gained a daughter-in-law, watched my work go from dead to hopping, lost 30 pounds. (gained 20 back.... lost 17 again)....

I am blessed. I am happy. I am strong. I am content. I am feeling very positive about the future.

I love my family. I love my life. I love my hubby.

Showers and Weddings

So Bryttan is a Kramer now. The day was beautiful and everything seemed to go smoothly.

There's not really much I can say about it.

The wedding was short. The sealer began by saying this was the second marriage he has ever done.... and I guess he didn't know that it is tradition to talk to the bride and groom for a bit.

So he just married them. Bim Bam Over and Done.

Mmmm Karin made these cupcakes for the shower. I wish I could have had some. They look yummy. But I am on a diet.



Now the year is almost over. The holidays are upon us. George and I will be spending the week between Christmas and New Years in Texas visiting his family. I am excited to meet them.



Well, that's about all I have to say at this time.

So goodnight all.

Yes it's true....

I HATE SHOPPING!

It's not that I hate spending money.... if you gave me a wad of cash I STILL would not want to go out and shop.

I need to go find some things for the wedding and I just don't WANT to do it. I need shoes and a shrug and maybe some gloves to complete my "ensemble".

Don't wanna.

Now... I LOVE internet shopping. Sit and click. OOOH YEAH.

But I hate Christmas shopping. I hate grocery shopping. I hate all that. I want to go to Michael's craft (wherever that is??) because I am looking for Christmas design mini bread pans. They are ceramic and darling and I want them to use for gifts.

If I don't hurry, they will be GONE. (If the store even has them in the first place). But I just DON'T WANNA!!

I'm pathetic.... I know. I just hate shopping. I always have.

Tick, tick, tick, tick,

I took Michael to get his temple clothing today. He and Bryttan get endowed on Saturday and married the following Saturday.

I'm so proud! It was funny though, the lady waiting on us was extremely short..... and her head barely came to Michael's belly button. She had to have help to measure him as she can't reach his shoulders... unless she had a step ladder. LOL

I think this time.... it's REALLY gonna happen!!! LOL

brides and showers

Bryttan had her bridal shower yesterday. Got a lot of cool stuff. Karin and Angela did a great job of decorating and doing the game. I usually really HATE showers... of any kind..... but that one was fun. I loved the game Karin had. I'm going to use that myself if I ever have to throw a shower, or help somebody with one.

So...... George moved out of the compound in Lihue, and into the bossman's house. It's a really nice house, has security cameras and everything.... there's 12 guys living there and the compound is now empty. It looks like he may be there til mid-November.

Which would actually work out well. He wanted to take a month to 6 weeks off over the holidays so we can go to Texas to visit his family. And so he can just relax and not have to work for a bit.

And he wants to do some stuff here on the house.

He has several offers already for other jobs to go to at the beginning of the year, and I think he may take the one in Arizona. A huge 900 unit Marriot is being renovated. It's a TWO year job... but he will be closer than Hawaii! Anyhow, we will see how it works out.

Truthfully, long distance marriage is working fine for us. We miss each other, but we talk several times a day and it's just great.

He's such a good man. I love him dearly.

Retro Bridal Shower

Saturday is Bryttan's bridal shower. I'm bringing a salad... either a fruit salad or frog eye salad.


I may opt for the fresh fruit so I can actually eat it. I'm back on Hcg. Just started this week.


So a retro, 50's type theme is kinda neat.


Hope I can find a cool gift. The bride is not registered anywhere.... so that makes it kind of hard....



But that just means we get to use our IMAGINATION!!!

I'm taking Friday off, to hopefully see the doctor about the cysts in my wrist. And so I will shop for a gift and stuff then.

Oh so scary!

Huge fire raging in Herriman. And that is where Elizabeth, Mike, Dave and Sheri live. Mike and Elizabeth live RIGHT where the fire is. And I haven't heard how things are with them.

I didn't get much sleep last night. Worried about them.

And Michael and Bryttan don't live too far from them either. If the wind were blowing north.....

As of this morning the fire is ZERO percent contained.

It's just sooo scary.

I hate the devastation that fire causes.

It's mesmerizing and frightening all at the same time.

We know at least 4 homes were destroyed. Which actually is a SMALL number considering how huge this fire is. But it's a devastation for those 4 families who have lost everything.

*sigh

It never has been my nature to inflict pain on anybody. Yet sometimes, we do it without realizing how deeply the wound that is inflicted will be.

I realize I'm not perfect. And I make mistakes. Some big. Some small.

And it has NEVER been my desire to hurt people, especially those I love.

So if I have offended, hurt, disappointed, caused pain....... please know I have begged forgiveness. I am begging forgiveness.

Life is too short. Too short to hold onto negative. Too short to hold on to grudges. Too short to let wounds fester til they can never heal.

I honestly don't think I have much time left on this earth and I would prefer to live it joyfully. With my family. Whom I love dearly.

Please forgive me for the pain I have caused. Cast it aside, and embrace tomorrow with all of it's hopes, dreams, and promises.

May the Lord bless your heart and mind.

Dream Symbols

David has been dreaming about scorpions. I've been dreaming about school. Karin has been dreaming about tornados. What does it all mean?

I did a little bit of research on dream symbols. Dreaming about a scorpion represents fear and anxiety. Fear of judgement, criticism, or "stinging words". That fits David to a "T". It can also mean a situation of tension, or unsettled emotions in waking life.

Dreaming about tornadoes has many interpretations, the spinning vortex can signify that one feels their life is spinning out of control. Tornados leave massive amounts of destruction, so it could signify that one feels powerless over some random misfortune. It also signifies fear. Tornadoes rip everything away. Are you afraid of something being torn from you? Is there a situation in life that you fear will cause you to lose everything?

Dream tornadoes can also mean abrupt life-altering changes. Maybe you're afraid a decision you make will change your life forever (marriage, divorce, new child, new job, a move, etc....)

It also says that if you watched "The Wizard of Oz" a lot when you were young, the tornado in the movie is seen as a portal to another land. If you associate strongly with that story, it can mean that you are wishing you could be carried away to a land of fantasy. Remember, as much as Dorothy desired escape, she realized that happiness was in her own backyard!!

My dreams of being in school are almost always the same.... I'm NOT PREPARED. I have lost the combination to my locker.... can't find my classes, can't find my locker.... have no money for food, can't find my way to the office.... I'm so FRUSTRATED in the dreams. And yeah... I'm frustrated in life too. I don't feel prepared. For ANYTHING. LOL.

;

Ganglion Cyst

It's been a year since I had my carpal tunnel surgery and suddenly my wrist has started hurting again. I thought it might be a recurrence of the carpal tunnel. But apparently I have not one... but TWO ganglion cysts on my wrist and they are pressing on the nerve.

More surgery on the horizon. I have decided NOT to do the tonsil thing after talking to Bryttan who almost died getting hers out in August. (and I mean she LITERALLY almost died).

She and Michael are getting married Oct. 16th. I'm excited for them!!!

I've been letting David drive since he got his permit. Two nights ago he did a big boo-boo.... pulled right out in front of an oncoming car. Scared him. Scared me. But I held my tongue and did not scream at him.

Consequently, however, he did not ask to drive last night.

Weekend With George

Spent Thursday night at the Peppermill Casino in Wendover. Neither of us had been there before. We took a certain amount of money to gamble with and agreed that when it was gone... it was gone. We managed to amuse ourselves for 7 hours! George has the touch... Man... every machine he played he was winning. My luck was not as good but I had a lot of fun. Except they allow smoking in the casino.... I had the worst headache! Oh I hate the smell of cigarettes!!






We also amused ourselves for several hours at Nickel Cade. Wow... some of the arcade games there are so OLD!!! (Pac Man, Space Invaders)... we had a blast!! Again.... real cheap entertainment.






My our favorite place is Fat Cats. It's got pool, bowling, arcade, and the one in Ogden has mini golf. I didn't see golf at the SLC one. But we played arcade games and won 1470 tickets!!!! The kid at the ticket place said he had never seen anybody win that many tickets before. George picked out a lamp and told me to give it to David. (Its like a flashing intersection light).

Lots of families at Fat Cats. I just love that place. It's clean. It's fairly new. Its affordable. We had a blast. We planned to take David there, but I guess we will do that next time. He was busy out driving the roads all weekend.

I dropped George off at the airport yesterday and cried for 4 hours. LOL. I hate goodbyes.

He gave me the coolest gift. One of the guys he lives with in Kauai had a HUGE bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey (I think it's whiskey) anyhow... He gave George the empty bottle and George washed it out and had used it as a bank. He had a $100 bill inside, and $20s and tons of change. This thing must have weighed like 30 pounds. And he brought it home to me and said, "Here sweetie, this should cover your car repairs." (I had to spend $280 on tire alignments and stuff recently.) But he said I could NOT smash the bottle to get the money out. I had to figure a way to get it out so we can reuse that bottle for our "Go back to Wendover" fund for his birthday if he is here.

It took me TWO hours last night but I got all the money out and there was over $310!!!!

That was like the funnest gift he could have given me!!!

Shy Melly

LOVE LOVE LOVE this pic! Just captured this shy little look on her face. David is getting really good at photography.

I'm thoroughly enjoying the stuff he is doing in his photography class on Thursdays.

I need to go see the doc again. I think either my carpal tunnel is back... or I have a tumor of scar tissue that has built up. Either way... something is not right. I had my surgery barely a year ago. And my wrist is hurting a lot lately and has a big bump on it.

My whole body is just falling apart. Seriously. It's getting kind of scary.

Need a Vacation.

Cannot wait for next week. I get to have 5 days of not working and just having fun with my hubby. We're going to go up Millcreek Canyon, spend the night in Wendover, shoot some pool somewhere (Maybe Fat Catz), and just enjoy being together.

I'm soooooooooo excited. I have missed him something awful.

A picture is worth a thousand words....

I love this painting by Doc Christensen. If you really study it.... there is so much in it.

Side Note: Just one week from today my Georgie hops on a plane to come to Utah!

Yay!

I am an ADDICT

And I cannot even say I am in Recovery. Nor do I want to be.

My free time at home is spent -- not doing dishes, cleaning, laundry, or interacting with my surly son.... No.......... I spend my time playing Text Twist and Bookworm.

I can't stop.

I can play for HOURS and it seems like a few minutes.

I can play past my bedtime.

I can eat dinner AND play at the same time....

Oh how badly do I need a life?????

Latest additions to the Smiley Gallery....

We do try to keep ourselves amused. This is one I sent to him, but again, I had stolen it from the internet. The other ones are genuine "Georgie Smileys" that he made.

The bottom of a bucket. LOL. Love it.

This one has a little asian flavor to it... or is it just my imagination? LOL

And I still can't figure out what he put the smiley on.... That's GLASS!

Fun guy. He and I have so much fun together. We are two peas in a pod. He is the only person in this whole world that really, honestly "Gets me"... he understands how I think and he knows who I am.

And he is just like me.

I love him.

Put on a Happy Face.

My latest contribution to the gallery of smileys from me and George.

I wish I could say I actually did this myself... but no.... I swiped it off the internet.

Cute idea though.

Excitement

Things are winding down in Kauai and my George may be home soon.

I can't wait.



I miss him more than words can say.


Phone conversations are fun and whatever.... but nothing beats being in the same space.


Hurry home GEORGIE!!!!!!!!!!

My baby is so grown up!

Years ago, Mark and I went white water rafting down the Snake River in Wyoming. We did it a couple of summers.

It was fun... but scary for me.

David got to go down the same river a couple weeks ago.... that's him (the highest one on the left). He looks like a pro.

And he had the balls (sorry, I can't think of another word to use that is more appropriate) to go down the river in a KAYAK with his friend.

The kid is brave.

All my kids are brave. All my kids are very active in boating, biking, hiking, playing sports, etc....

They certainly did NOT get that from me.

But I'm glad they get out and live life and have fun. I enjoy watching from the side lines.... where it's safe........... and dry.............. :-)

Who says fish are dumb?

My "April Fools" present (the fish in my cup) is still alive and swimming. I named him "George La Pez" which means "George The Fish" in english. He is no dummy. He gets so excited when I come to work in the morning! He sees me and starts practically jumping out of his tank. And he knows when he is going to get fed... he sees me reach for the food and he goes right up to the top of the tank in anticipation. And he is picky too. I have three different kinds of food for him and he wants what he wants... and if I feed him the wrong one... he won't eat it.

I thought cats and children were finicky!

Also... when I am at my desk.... he hovers on the left side of his tank -- the side closest to me.... he just stays there.... watching me.....

But if I move to the table to do work.... then he hovers over on the right side of his tank.... because that's the side closest to me if I am at the table.

It's so cute!! My little Georgie has personality!!!

Up until recently I wouldn't have cared if I came in and found him dead.... but NOW that I have noticed his excitement to see me.... and his personality.... I have bonded with the little bugger.

I think he needs a companion though. I may find him a girlfriend. :-) It's not good to be alone.

On the Mend....

Well, I have been taking Shaklee Nutriferon for just TWO days and I seriously am feeling better already.

My tonsils are still large, but not AS large. Instead of a golf ball in my throat today it feels more like an avocado pit. And it's weird, my tonsils change size throughout the day.

My energy is coming back little by little.

It's not just the Nutriferon, but I am also eating a lot of antioxident power foods such as onions, garlic, green peppers, blueberries, strawberries.

And I'm excited to see George soon. I think that is the biggest energy booster. :)

I sure have missed that man.

Some sleep walk... I sleep shop!

One time when I was on some medication for my neck... I started sleepwalking. I woke up at 2am outside in the middle of the street once. Another time I bought a Costco membership online... all in my sleep. And I bought something else too... I don't remember what now.

Well, I'm off the medication - have been for a long time. But I "sleep shopped" the other night. Apparently I bought a juicer.

I better be careful what I blog about. I blogged about wanting one.... and my subconcious made it so.

Well... at least I shop cheaply in my sleep.... the juicer was only $30. LOL.

Is she too cute for words?

So this photo of Afton has nothing at all to do with what I am going to rant about.... but looking at it makes me smile.

What is up with stores? I recently went into Costco and to Fresh Market and they have totally REARRANGED their stores. I mean the aisles are all weird. They rotated the shelves so they run the opposite direction. Stuff that used to be on one side of the store has been moved to all different areas. They have weird stuff together... like cleaning products mixed in with the Tylenol.

Why? What? I hate it when stores do this because I like to go in there, know exactly what I'm getting, know EXACTLY where it's located, and just get in, and get out.


This disrupts my routine and causes me major anxiety!! I was beeyatching about it to the clerk at Fresh Market and he said they were getting 500 new items in and that by next week the store will be all rearranged and stocked.

Oh great.... Just what we need.... 500 MORE items.

I don't do well with "many options".

I know stores often do this so people HAVE to walk all around and they hope they will buy more because they will see things they didn't see before.

Well it's going to backfire with me. I'm shopping at Harmons now. I'm trying to buy locally grown produce and Harmons carries that.

I'm seriously not wanting to eat a lot of meat anymore. I just want to try to eat fresh foods as much as possible. I think it will help me to become healthier. I have never been so sick as I have been the past two years. My immune system is shot for some reason. I'm tired of it.

I am sick and tired of being "sick and tired".

Smileys revisited.

Georgie and I have slacked on our smiley gallery lately. Shame on us! That's our symbol... our signature.... OUR THING.

He's been working his butt off lately to get ahead of everybody else. So now he leaves them messages.... the one above says "46 ahead of you".... because he is 46 showers AHEAD of the other workers. Yeehaw!

There is a method to his madness. He's hoping if he finishes way ahead of deadline, the Boss will let him come to Utah for a week or so before being shipped off to Oahu.

So we're keeping fingers crossed. I want him to see Utah in the summer! He's only seen the cold winter. I want him to know Utah is nice in the summer!!

He's going to make Utah his home.... so I want him to know it has its good points and it's not all cold, snow, rain, ice and blowing wind.

OOOOOOOOOOOh I can't wait to see my Georgie again. I miss him terribly.