Late night ramblings

In 2 months I will get to take my hubby home to meet my dad. And we will paint dad's house and fix stuff up and clean, and do whatever dad wants.

I'm excited to be able to do it.

The trip is going to cost a small fortune..... but it is worth it. Dad is getting on in years and you just never know when a visit might be "the last".

Tomorrow is Father's Day and I will tell him that we are coming. George has already gotten the time off approved. I have put in my request. Hopefully it gets approved! LOL. Maybe I better wait a few days before I make reservations. Just to be sure.

Today was a LAZY day for me. I did do a little housework, but I slept in late. I took a nap, and I have played "Bejeweled" almost ALL day. Shame on me.

It's 11:30 pm so I better head off to bed quick.

My biggest regret today is I did NOT get in my exercise. I totally planned to do it. But I didn't. So tomorrow I better do twice as much.

:-)

I'm not as sweet as I used to be.....

....haven't had any sugar for 5 days. That is truly amazing for me because I am a sugar ADDICT.

I have learned that a low-carb diet really helps me control my sugar cravings. No other food plan does. I've had more energy this week. I even EXCERCISED! Now that is completely amazing. And I didn't hurt all over the next day.

So, I'm going to stick with it. I hope.

Musings....

I stole this pic from Bryttan and Michael. They took it last weekend while camping. I think it's a COOL picture.

So, not much to blog about today. Work is deadly quiet. I've been using the time to work on my calling. I'm doing the print-outs of the monthly Visiting Teaching messages for all the ladies at church.

I complained (often) that the existing ones for the past few years are UGLY and plain. Well... if you complain enough you get called to do the job yourself. LOL.

It's harder than I expected! LOL

I'm back on a low carb diet. Those work best for me. I get a nice amount of lean meats, and lots of veggies and salad. Plus I can use olive oil. And it makes my cravings for sugar completely manageable.

I had fajitas today for lunch at La Hacienda. I ate all the meat, peppers, onions, mushroom, guacamole, lettuce. I did not touch the tortillas, rice, sour cream, beans.

I am completely satisfied and I didn't miss the stuff I didn't eat.

I've lost 3 pounds so far, so it's working.

George and I have a deal. I am going to lose weight and he is going to GAIN weight. I can't believe how awful and skinny he was when he came home over Memorial Day. Wow. He looked horrible.

I've had a really amazing Black Magic Chocolate cake sitting on my counter for 4 days. I haven't touched it. (well, I had one piece before I started the diet). But since I started the diet... I have not had any.

Now I just need to get the air conditioner at home fixed so I can do the exercise bike without keeling over from heat exhaustion. I've called the landlord twice. He is so slow to do anything. Grrrr.

Well, enough of this rambling. I better get back to "work".... or at least look busy. LOL

I wish I had written my dream when I woke up...

Grrrrr. blogger won't let me cut and paste so now I have to retype this all over again. Oh well...

Last night I dreamed that I had bought a house. It was a narrow, two story house. I was having a party there and I was very surprised at how many people showed up. It was like a big family reunion. I was walking all around making sure everybody was enjoying themselves, and checking on the food, and so on.

I saw a nice looking man sitting in a chair playing with a baby and he had a dog by his side. As I approached him, he said, "Hey, where's Mary?"

I went up to him and he stood up and I saw that it was Uncle David but he was a lot younger, and he could walk! I told him mom wasn't there because she has been gone for a few years and he said, "Well, so have I. I want to see her."

There were people filling the yard and the streets and I was just amazed so many showed up. And I recognized a lot of them as people I knew when I was a little kid and I also knew most of them had died.

Karin was there, entertaining a group of kids, and her hair was cut short and in a wedge. She didn't really want to talk to me. She was busy keeping the kids occupied.

I also saw Annette, but I couldn't get over to talk to her.

I caught a glimpse of aunt Joyce.

And I had the feeling that Uncle Eddie was going to show up. I was really looking forward to seeing him, but also realized that if I did, it meant he was dead too.

There were Harlow's there also. Grandma, and Maddy. I saw uncle Don (who is still living).

That's all I remember. UPDATE: Last night as I lay in bed I was thinking about this dream and another thing occurred to me -- in my house, the kitchen was upstairs, on the top level. And I thought, "Hmm I wonder what the significance of that is?" and then I thought, "I am happy in my kitchen. The upper level is where I will be happy."

Interesting.....

I hate dental work

When I was a kid, I had a horrible man for a dentist. His name was Dr. Nemeister. He would fill my cavities with NO PAIN KILLER. I did not even know that you could have novacaine for fillings until I was 18 years old and moved to Utah. I was traumatized by this man. I remember he was drilling and the pain was so bad I was crying and he called me a baby! I hope he is getting his just desserts in the great beyond.

As a result.... I am a dental phobe. I am terrified of dentists. I hate them. I hate even getting cleanings. I hate the whole deal.

Last month I had an abcess and infection in my tooth that spread to the bone. The pain was horrendous. I had a root canal and they just put a temporary filling in the tooth. So yesterday I had to go get a crown prep.

At least with the root canal I got happy gas and major pain blockers. With the crown prep they gave me a little bit of numbing and then they DRILLED and DRILLED and did horrible torture to me for TWO HOURS!!!! They had to "build up" the tooth because there was nothing to attach the crown to.

I was shaking, and grasping the chair arms and trying not to hurl. (I have a real sensitive gag reflex). Oh it was not fun. NOT fun at all.

The dentist I had though, was a real sweetheart. Very nice.

So now I have a temporary crown on until they get the permanent one. That is about 3 weeks.

I kept thinking, "Boy, I can't wait to get resurrected and have all perfect teeth."

Oh, and while he was doing this he told me that the crown right beside it looks bad and may need to be replaced. He wants me to come back. I've maxed out my dental insurance with just this root canal and crown. I don't think I can handle another one. Even with insurance it was $800 out of pocket.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Just give me dentures.

YUMMMMMMMY Vegetable Soup

Time to start eating healthy and try to drop some of the depression pounds I accumulated over the winter.

Last night I made a huge pot of very awesome veggie soup.

I chopped up red, orange and yellow peppers, onions, garlic, carrots, celery, brocolli and sauteed them in a little bit of olive oil until they were starting to get tender. Then I added a can of Italian stewed tomatoes, a can of corn, a can of drained and rinsed white beans and a can of drained and rinsed navy beans. Covered it all with water and threw in 4 chicken herb boullion cubes. Bring to a boil, then turned down to medium and cooked til the veggies were done. (about 20 minutes).

Then I turned the heat up and threw in a couple handfuls of whole wheat linguine that I had broken up into small pieces. Cooked that ten minutes till it was almost done. Then threw in a couple big handfuls of fresh spinach leaves and cooked for 3 more minutes.

Then I took it off the heat and added, salt, lemon pepper, granulated garlic, cumin, thyme, chili powder, and some all purpose seasoning (chef somebody... I can't remember the name).

It was so good that I had FOUR bowls of it. And David, (who is extremely picky) ate it and said "Wow, this looks gross but it sure tastes good!"

I have enough for last me for a few days. It's healthy. It's got the good fat in it (and not very much because I only used about 2 teaspoons of olive oil) and the beans provide the protein.

It's also nice and filling! And the wonderful thing is that this is a recipe where you can adapt to whatever you like. Put whatever veggies you want. I wanted to put some butternut squash in it, but they didn't have any at walmart. Next time I will put that, and maybe some zuchinni.

Longing for a visit home

This picture reminds me of Vermont. I really hoped to go see my dad this year and take George. We still hope it will happen. Just not sure when. One thing we have discussed is having George go straight to Vermont from Honolulu when he leaves and I will meet him there.

I've been rather negative and whiney lately. Believe me. I hate it. I can't stand myself some days. LOL. Part of my problem is that I've put on a enormous amount of weight. I need to get it off.

I just have absolutely no energy. Ever. I think I need to get in and see the doctor. This has gone on way too long. But the doctor always takes blood, tells me its all normal, and that I just need to exercise.

Well, I want to exercise but I have no energy or desire or motivation to do it.

Blech. I hate feeling like this.

Weather woes

We are having one of the wettest, coldest springs on record. I'll take that over tornados anyday. But still, it made for a change in plans when my Georgie came to visit. We had planned to go have a picnic in Millcreek Canyon. Probably good thing we didn't because the day we would have.... there was some weirdo guy doing mushrooms and walking around with his pants down. Not my kind of fun.

And we wanted to do some other stuff outside. But it was cold and rainy. Booooooo.

George has only seen Utah at it's worst. Therefore he HATES this state. He has no desire to live here. Well, other than the fact that his WIFE is here. But he has only seen cold, rain, snow, wind... the bad side.

He really wants to move to Yuma, AZ and open a business with his friend Tom. That may be in our future. But definitely not near future.

I'm not leaving BSD. I'm not leaving my kids. I'm not leaving Utah. Nope. And thankfully, he isn't asking me to.

I forget my german....

Kinda funny. I was on vacation from work last week to be with George but I forgot to update my "out of office assistant" for emails received outside of the office. So our people in Germany sent me some emails and they received my auto-response saying that I was out of the office until October 18.

So they start emailing my coworkers, asking, "Is Michelle pregnant? Why is she going to be gone so long?"

I sent them all e-mails after I returned which said "Nicht kinder haben"

I hope that's right..... LOL

I hate goodbyes.

When George was coming home to visit, the anticipation was so much fun. And suddenly the day was here! And he was here! And for the next 5 days, nothing in the world existed but him and I.

We laughed, we talked, we acted like kids. We played games, and went to movies, and cuddled. We went for walks, we went shopping. We spent a lot of time just holding each other.

It was so wonderful. I have missed him so much. I just feel complete when he is by my side.

But oh, so soon.... too soon..... it came time to say goodbye again. For a few more months at least. They never tell him when the job will be done. He doesn't know. He hears rumors that it's 60-90 more days.

But then I know they will just send him off somewhere else.

I didn't realize how hard...... how difficult this would be to be separated so much.

But it is. And each time I say goodbye I find myself retreating inside a dark, black, hollow, pit of loneliness and depression that just scares me.

Emotions overwhelm me. I cried so hard, and so long yesterday that I made myself literally sick.

And today at work... I keep choking back tears. I have a feeling of horrible loneliness gnawing at my stomach.

I love my husband. I miss him. I want him.