It drives me insane that NOBODY understands chronic pain......

I give up. I give up trying to make anybody understand what it feels like to live in my body.

With pain.

Chronic pain.

That does not EVER go away.

Some days it is tolerable.

That makes it a "good day".

Some days it is debilitating, scream-out-loud-out of my mind hurt. That's when I have a "bad day".

I have a very high pain tolerance. Several physical therapists have told me so. They hook me up to the electrical shock machine and I tolerate a VERY VERY high setting. I was told football players, grown men, would be in tears if they had the same level as me.

So people need to understand that when I say I hurt.... I MEAN IT.

I don't expect anyone to make it go away. I don't even need anybody to acknowledge what I said. I just need to SAY IT. Because SAYING it or posting it actually lightens the load.

But when people say to me "how is your back today?" and I say "fine" and they say "what did you do to make it better?"   I want to rip their heads off their bodies and chew it up and spit it out.

Because I DID NOTHING TO MAKE IT BETTER. IT IS NOT GONE. IT IS JUST TOLERABLE. TODAY IS A GOOD DAY. I AM STILL IN PAIN. I ALWAYS WILL BE.

This is not muscle pain. This is SPINAL CORD pain. Unless you have experienced a ruptured disk or degenerative osteoarthritis in a part of your back and neck.... you have NO IDEA what it feels like.

I would rather give birth without drugs every week than have this pain. It's that bad.

I try very hard to keep quiet about it. But it wears me down. I have no pain medication other than tylenol or advil and that is not strong enough. But shoot, it is nearly impossible to get Lortab these days since so many idiots abuse it and make it impossible for those who really need it to get any.

If I go and ASK my doctor for it.... I get identified as a "drug seeker".... even though I have a pain management doctor... he is against the use of opiates. Which is fine with me. I don't care what he gives me, I just need something STRONGER than OTC meds.

Anyhow.... I just had to vent.

Now, I will go take my Tylenol and work the rest of my day.