I'm not ready for this.

My dad signed a DNR today. The witnessing nurse signed it. My sister signed it. That makes it official that my dad is now on DNR status. Which, for those, who don't know... means "Do Not Resuscitate."

If anything should happen to him, he does not want to be brought back. No life support. No heroic measures, nothing.

I understand this. I also do not want to be put on life support if something happens to me.

But........... the idea of losing my dad is freaking me out.

I'm not ready to be the "older generation" and be the daughter with no parents at all.

I'm not ready to handle the fact that I won't be able to turn to my dad for help if needed.

I'm not READY to deal with this.

I'm still dad's little girl.

I'm not ready for this. Not at all.

Hopefully he still has a long time left, but I think he doesn't.

And he thinks he doesn't.

And ................... that really makes me panic.