Let it go...... Let it go..........

It's been a weird day. And I spent my morning crying over spilled milk. Crying over stuff that is stupid and that I really am NOT that upset over. I'm sad, disappointed, but not deep enough to keep bawling. I think I keep bawling because the doctor is messing with my hormones again. When he lowers my estrogen I become a crying basket case. 

I was invited to a family reunion. My EX's family. I still love and care for 98% of them. I wanted to see them.  My EX and I try hard to be civil and get along and I expected no drama whatsoever. 

In fact, I doubt that I would have even SEEN him much. 

But he expressed his objections to my coming. And basically told me not to.

And if I look at it from his point of view. I can see he has valid thoughts. 

I won't say he is RIGHT, but I see his thoughts are valid. 

So I decided not to go. 

{shrug}

Whatever.

No biggie. 

So WHY THE HELL HAVE I SPENT MY MORNING SO UPSET THAT I CRY AT THE DROP OF A HAT?

I'm totally fine with not going. Really. 

I'm hurt that he SAID it out loud that he didn't want me to go. 

It's the whole rejection thing again I guess. You'd think after ten years of divorce I'd be over that.

Apparently not.

It was weighing me down so bad this morning. Just anger, frustration, tears, hurt, disappointment. 

I could not shake it. 

But I have let it simmer. And then I sat here and allowed myself to feel it. 

Just feel it.

Not try to squash it. Or dull it with donuts. Or push it down.

I let myself feel the hurt, the anger, the disappointment. The sadness.

I let myself accept it.

I wrote down my thoughts. 

And then I realized that this isn't as big a deal as I was making it out to be and that I need to just let it go.

LET IT GO. 

So for me, writing is cathartic. 

So I'm writing this down. 

And when I'm done and I hit "publish" that ends the chapter.

That closes the door on this experience.

It's done. 

I'm not going to keep thinking about it or dwell on it. 

I'm not going to wallow in self pity.

Some of those people wanted to see me and they will miss me. 

And for those who don't.... whatever.