New Year Resolutions

I leave for Vermont the day after tomorrow. I will not have access to a computer until I return on Dec. 29th so Merry Christmas to my readers!

Next year I will begin a journey. Kind of a rebirth I guess. I need to make a lot of changes in my life.

I saw my doctor today and apparently because I get pain medication from her AND I got pain medication after my surgery in September, red flags went up all over the place and they accused me of "double dipping". I assured her it wasn't what she thought and I was not double dosing myself at all. But the office no longer is willing to manage my chronic pain problem and they have referred me to an "Interventional Pain Medicine" doctor. I'm like "INTERVENTIONAL???" Like REHAB??? Do they consider me an addict?? Lordy I hope not. I think of an "addict" as a person who abuses drugs to get a high. I admit I am DEPENDENT on my pain meds. I have to have them to function. If I don't take them I am in a LOT of pain. But I don't take more than two per day. I do not consider that abuse. I take one in the morning. One in the afternoon. And I try to take over the counter stuff BEFORE I take the prescription because if I CAN manage the pain with it, then I'm happy to do so.

Well, truth be told, I would like nothing better than to get OFF pain medication. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. But I know it's going to be a rough process and not a lot of fun. I know I will need to come here to vent my feelings a lot. Writing is therapy for me.

She has told me that I HAVE to lose weight. She wants me back in 4 months and wants 20 pounds off me by then.

So... I am waiting for the pain place to call me to schedule an appt.

All of the treatments I have tried for the past 14 years: physical therapy - Went to 3 different PT's -- the exercise just aggravates the condition. Did not help me. Ran out of money and had to quit.

Massage and Electric Stimulation combined with heat and cold: That helped a lot. But again, I ran out of money and had to quit.

Chiropractics: Went to 3 different chiropractic clinics. I can't get adjusted without being totally doped up on muscle relaxants and I hate them... the adjustments don't feel good to me. I can't relax. And the last one I went to put my neck in traction which made things MUCH worse. Again, ran out of money and had to quit.

Accupuncture - went to two different accupuncture places. The first one worked very well. I did not need a pain pill for 6 months but the guy did not speak english and so I did not like to go there because I don't understand him at all. The second doc spoke english, but I spent $600 and the treatments did NOTHING. Again, ran out of money and had to quit. Was not covered by insurance. I might go back to the chinese guy again. It worked.

Reiki - I am a second level Reiki practicioner. Learned it specifically to do it on myself. But it's not enough.

Meditation - I just fall asleep. I cannot meditate and stay awake.

Other drugs: I have taken Flexeril, and Bextra, Vioxx, Excedrin, 800mg Advil, tylenol, naproxen, all kinds. They caused me to get esophageal stricture which required surgery. I don't want to do that again. I dislike muscle relaxants because they make me absolutely loopy and unable to function.

The Lortab has been the cheapest method of pain management. I take two per day. I am not pain free, but I am able to function. And it's just $10 a month. So that is why I have opted to stick with it. But my doctor is not going to refill it again. And so that is why she is sending me to the pain doc.

I am more than happy to find alternatives. Believe me. But I know I'm going to go through withdrawal because I've taken it for YEARS and my body is used to it.

So, 2009 is my new beginning. My year long makeover. By next Christmas I will be a new woman. I am going to chronicle my journey here. I can always use a cheering section.