Missing Loved Ones....

My See-star is getting married in a couple of days! (That is so weird, but I am really happy for her.) The reason it seems weird is that I totally thought that "I" would get remarried waaaaay before she ever did.

So her wedding is coming up, and Mother's day is coming up and I'm missing my loved ones that have crossed over.


































I miss my mom. I miss her mom and dad. (Grandpa and Grandma Aplin) I miss people on the Harlow side..... (but don't have photos of them handy at the moment. LOL)

This week is going to be very stressful. We have our European auditor coming and I am on high alert because as Document Controller for the company I have a MAJOR responsibility in maintaining the Quality System. I'm nervous. Nervous is not good for me because it triggers diverticulitis attacks. I really cannot afford to have one of those as they knock me totally out of commission for about 4 days.

The wedding is Friday and at this point in time we still don't know WHERE it is going to be exactly. (Long story).

Then my friend Lisa and I are heading to Heber to R-E-L-A-X at the Swiss Alps Inn for the whole weekend and pamper ourselves to death to recover from the audit.


Update on my neck procedure from Friday. Well, I am still wired and having lots of energy and very minimal pain. I don't know how long it will last but I'm liking it a lot right now!

I could say lots more, but it's time for me to try to get some sleep even though I'm not real tired.

Later gators.

OWIE

Friday morning I had the second epidural injection in my neck. It didn't go as easy at the first. He decided to do it in a different spot and he had difficulty getting into the epidural sac. So he would put in the needle (which feels like a nail), and inject dye, then they take an x-ray to see if it's in the right spot, and it wasn't, so he would have to do it again. He poked me at least 8 times. I was getting claustrophobic and I had a panic attack.





Suddenly I broke out in a sweat, started shaking, felt nauseous, and got real panicky. They stopped the procedure and put ice packs on me, gave me oxygen, and when I was better they proceeded. My blood pressure had dropped a bit too.

When it was over, I went straight home (it was 10am) and slept for about an hour and a half and then I was wide awake til 2am in the morning. I was just WIRED.

This morning I got up and went to the bank, then post office, Costco, Walmart, Albertsons, and went home to try to nap, but couldn't. Its weird, my neck is not in a lot of pain -- it is tender and hurts a bit, but not as bad as before, but the strange thing is that I am having difficulty swallowing. It hurts my esophagus to swallow or burp. There is a heavy pressure on it.

I hope that goes away soon.

Spring has sprung!

I'm loving this weather. But mother nature is threatening to haul winter back this weekend for a brief visit. How do we go from 80 degree sunshine to snow in a few days?

So, I am selling all my spanish CD's and some of my clothes and jewelry and stuff on amazon. Each purge is more glorious. LOL. David said to me this morning, "Mom, I can tell you are REALLY serious this time about not ever talking to Alberto again."

I said, "Yep. It is over. I thought we could at least be friends, but it's not going to happen. I don't want to have him in my life at all. Ever. Period. End of story." It took me a loooong time to take baby steps to get here. First I packed up all my photos and memorabilia in a box. That sat there for a year or two.

Then I quit talking to him. Then I allowed some conversations and it just made me realize nothing ever changes with him. So then I pulled away, and then I was just friends, and then I was thinking about taking him back, and then I let go..... etc.... but now the door slammed shut and I have deleted everything from my life. E-mails are blocked. Phone numbers deleted. Addresses shredded. Everything.

So now I focus on my health because I seriously feel like something is really WRONG inside. I have had numerous tests that come back normal, so I don't know what the deal is. Guess I will figure it out.

I get another epidural injection the day after tomorrow. Last time it knocked me out for 3 days which Dr. Byrd says is NOT normal. So I hope it does not do that this time. I have too much to do! My sister is getting married next week and I need to get my house cleaned up and stuff for the couple of nights that she and Rick are staying with me.

Mother's day is coming up. I think that is why I am missing my mom so much all of a sudden. I have been so weepy lately and just wanting to pick up the phone and call her. My dad has become incredibly NEEDY lately and has been calling me 3 and 4 times a day and I just cannot talk to him that much so I ignore the call and then he gets mad...... but he forgets that he talked to me and so he tells me the same stuff over and over and over and over and over.

I love him dearly, but I wish he would go to an assisted living center. I think he would be happier.

PURGING HEART MIND AND ..... PHOTOS

This Easter weekend I got to thinking about the Resurrection, and spring, and renewel, and starting over, and how life goes on and we learn from mistakes etc.. etc....

So Saturday night I shredded EVERY SINGLE photo I had of Alberto and I. I shredded all the mementos I had kept (ticket stubbs, journal entries, poems, cards, brochures. I ripped up all the clothes (Tshirts from Bike Week in Daytona, and other things). I threw away the jewelry. I destroyed it all. I had kept it in a box for about a year, but now I am ready to let go of everything.

It felt really good!! I had a huge black garbage bag full when I was done!

I deleted him from my phone and all my e-mails. I forgot to delete some photos off my home computer but will do that tonight.

I feel lighter. I am happier. I am so glad to have all that behind me. I didn't feel at all sad, or angry. I just felt......... DONE.

Turbulent times

Well, I don't know how my dad is doing. I talked to him Sunday and he sounded better but still insisted his plumbing was backed up. I then got hit with an extremely painful sinus and ear infection (which I have had for a few weeks, but it reached the excruciating pain stage). I went to the doc yesterday and she gave me some strong antibiotics and said I have to take them a full 14 days instead of the usual 10.

I was home sick in bed yesterday and there was a huge upheaval in my company. The President of the company "retired" very unexpectedly and another guy named "Butch" stepped in.

Me thinks I smell a fish here.

I believe that the board of directors is MAKING the former president step down. The man has been here for 10 years. If he was actually retiring, we'd have a big company party to say farewell and give him a watch, or whatever, and there would be a few MONTHS notice.

But the board of directors came to town and had hush hush secret meetings, then the Pres came in on a Saturday and packed up his stuff and they just made the announcement yesterday with no warning whatsoever.

It's sad. But I guess that is life.

It makes sense to me. I've been here almost 5 years and I think the Pres. had dementia or early stage alzheimers (seriously, I am not being funny or sarcastic). Then when he entertained investers a few weeks ago by hiring a limo and sending the receptionist with these 4 men to STRIP BARS and got them drunk..... that was shocking!!!!

So, yeah, it's time for him to go.

Update on Dad

I talked to my sister. She said Dad was improving a little. He was able to keep down some jello and gingerale and a little pudding. She had to leave him alone and he seemed to be ok with that idea.

She said the poor man had thrown up in his bed Tuesday night and he was too weak to change the bed or do laundry or anything so he had been sleeping in that icky bed for 2 days.

That just kills me. Anyhow she did a bunch of laundry for him, washed dishes, etc.

It just kills me. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. I am helpless.

My own health is just scaring me. I have horrendous head pain now on top of everything else. I don't know what is going on. I see the pain doc Monday morning and I will tell him what is happening.

Airfares are real cheap right now so I want to take David to Vermont with me in June for a few days. Maybe. He said he would go. And I explained to him there is no internet/wifi/ etc at my dad's house. Or movies. OR a shower. Or a dishwasher. And there are lots of ants and spiders and mice....

He may change his mind. LOL

Stormy Times

I have been under so much stress lately I am not sure how much more I can take. I am getting major heart pain and palpitations. It's scaring me.

Brian was in the hospital and that stressed me. David was having fainting spells. My friend's baby was sick and in the hospital with RSV when he was only a couple days old. My daughter is having thyroid problems again. I completely cut "A" out of my life for good and ever. I realized I cannot even be friends with him no matter what. And even though it's for the best... it is still very, very difficult to go through it. I never want to speak to him ever again. He is part of the past and the "dark age" and I just wish I never met him. He screwed up my life in ways you can't even imagine. But I let him. And now I pay for it.

And now my dad is ill. He was in the ER yesterday for hours. He has an intestinal blockage and it is now reached the point with his health that he just CANNOT take care of himself and we need to get him into a care center. Even if it's against his will. He wanted them to keep him at the hospital, but they told him he wasn't "sick enough" to stay. Donna spent the night there. I haven't talked to her this morning so I don't know how it's going.

Work is very very busy, which, in this economy is a good thing, but it just adds more stress.

My body hurts. My neck and head and ears, and back, and hip, and elbow just pain me daily.

I'm scared for my health, my future, my family, everything. I am all alone and it is really hard.

I'm such a Prankster.....

This little April FOOLER has been busy. I came in to work last night and put a sign on the south entrance door that says "BSD EMPLOYEES, USE WEST ENTRANCE" with an arrow pointing. So people have to walk around the building and then they find a sign on THAT door saying "BSD EMPLOYEES, PLEASE USE SOUTH ENTRANCE" with an arrow pointing back the way they came. LOL. People who get here at 6 am were rolling their eyes.

Then I took Richard's glasses (he's the Director of Operations) and I took them home and put them in JELLO. They look like they are suspended in YELLOW (urine colored) jello. (If anybody watches THE OFFICE then the episode with the stapler in jello will let you know where i got this idea.

I then took Jason's Mouse, and Marissa's Mouse and Lisa's pens and held them for ransom. They are inside of the vending machine!!! LOL They gotta pay to get em back.

THEN, (lest you think I am done)... I took post-it notes and wrote "April Fools" on them and used them to cover the thing on Scotts, Briannes, and Tom's mouses so they don't work. LOL

And THEN... because Marissa always says she feels like she is in a fishbowl... I cut out colored pics of fishes and frogs and taped them to the window of her cube.

Last, but not least...... John L. has been in New York this week and he gets back today. His office door is closed with a sign that I put up that says "NO ENTRY DUE TO WATER DAMAGE" and I stuffed wet towels along the crack of the door.... he is going to FREAK out.... hee hee heee.

I hate being pranked, but I love doing the pranking.....

Last year I got Karin REAL good and I am scared of what the kids are going to pull on me to get back....