I had a strange dream about my mom last night. She was living in an apartment, alone. I was there to help her and she was in a wheelchair. If she wanted to walk, I had to hold her up, and she was heavy so I would almost drop her. I kept telling her to just sit and I would push her in the chair. But she'd get mad at me.
She told me she wanted me to take her in the car to a place where they were going to do her makeup. I was not familiar with the area where she lived, and really didn't want to drive the roads, but I would if she really wanted me to.
She kept saying "My daughter is going to call you." And I would say, "You mean my sister Donna? I'm your daughter too mom" but she acted like she didn't know me as her daughter.
Donna called me on the phone and I was trying to tell her that mom didn't recognize me and I needed help getting her in and out of the car because she was very heavy and I would almost drop her.
There was more to the dream... but I don't remember it. Weird.
4 comments:
Do you know what the dream means? It seems very clear to me.
No, I have no clue. What are your thoughts?
I think you are carrying some guilt about not being with Nana more towards the end of her life.
In your dream she was living in an apartment alone -- abandonment. You have to carry her and she's very heavy -- guilt. You want her to stay put, but she wants to leave -- death. She recognizes mom but not you -- mom was there at the end. You were reluctant to take her to get her make-up done. I think the make-up part might have something to do with how her make-up was done for her funeral. I remember you and mom commenting that it wasn't quite right -- it didn't look like the way she would have done it herself.
I think you feel at some level that you left her "alone" and you've been carrying that weight since. It's a heavy burdan, but you are reluctant to let it go because you might feel that you deserve to carry that weight now because you couldn't be there to carry her then. You feel on some level that she might be mad or diappointed with you.
I think the phone call with mom means that you want mom to understand how you feel/felt and that you need her understanding and .... I almost want to say forgiveness.
I hope my interpretation doesn't upset you. Dreams are strange things and can mean a million things or absolutely nothing.
I love you Auntie M!
That's a very interesting interpretation. But I don't think I agree. I don't feel guilty for being there, I am sad that I wasn't, but it's not guilt. And I don't feel I need anybody's forgiveness for not being there. I would have if I could have.
But it still is interesting indeed. :-)
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