Wednesday, June 3, 2009

There is a saying..........

"Alone, but not lonely.
Lonely, but in a crowd."
That was a poster hanging in a classroom at my highschool years ago. I remember sitting there reading it over and over and over. At the time, it described me very well.
These days....... I'm still struggling with missing being in a relationship. This past weekend was soooo hard for me because I ALMOST contacted somebody I shouldn't.
It took a lot of self talk to get me through it and not do it.
Somebody I know made the comment to me "I can't believe you're still not married!" I can't believe it either actually. I really expected after my divorce I'd be remarried within 3 years at the most.
It's been 6 years.
Part of me wants to.......... but part of me is happy being my own boss, and doing my own thing. Part of me is scared out of my mind that I will get hooked up with the WRONG sort of person (AGAIN!!) and so I am too scared to even date right now. I was soooooo sure that "A" was the "right one" despite all his flaws............
I mean, nobody is perfect right??? I know I will never find Mr. Perfect.
But "A" and I had such a close connection and I miss that more than anything else. I've never had that with anybody else and I don't know that I ever will. And I WANT THAT.
But, right now I still feel like I need to work on myself and get my health improved (it's better than it was, so that is good). I also want to get my finances in better shape. (I do kick myself repeatedly because of all the $$$ I gave to "A").
Let me rephrase that --- "all the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ I gave to "A").
We learn from our mistakes. I graduated from that one with a PhD.
I guess that I will just plug along.... that's all I can do for now.

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